Lizoja

It was really hard to fall asleep yesterday, and once i slept, i woke up all the time during the night. Alot of thoughts spinning around. I can always supress feelings to some extent, and I've done it since friday evening but, this is too much. Too much of anger and sadness. Felt horrible. After one hour of restlessy movin around in bed, i fell asleep - crying.

Then I dreamt of you.
My ex (not the ex you would think) was trying to get into the shower with me and i pushed him away. You came and saw it and punched him in the face. Like we were together. But, we're not.
Dreamt alot of other stuff too(without you).

Woke up.
Pain. It hurts! Both physically and emotionally. I don't want this..
I want to sleep forever and be in the land of dreams, where i don't need to deel with this. Where you don't exist.
But, now here I am.. awake.. out of bed.

All I can think of is Why?
I feel stupid and fooled. Stupid stupid stupid. You told me why.. but, it still doesn't make sence. I'm not even gonna try to understand.
It's all so weird and wrong. You could have made it very easy and just leave the day befor New Years when i said "If you don't trust me, then GO! Go now!" But, you stayed... and then this still happend. It's contradicting.
I'm not gonna obsess over it tho.. only gonna make it worse.

I wanna thank everyone who was there for me! Even tho we're not the best friends.
Thank you <3